We wished him a Happy birthday, but he didn't seem to understand what we were wishing him. Someone at the dinner table asked him how old he was and he responded with "I don't really know." It didn't seem to make sense to keep going on about his birthday as guilty as that felt. I wanted to sing the traditional song and open presents. I wanted to be gathered around the table or the back porch talking about past birthdays. I wanted us to celebrate this day just like we had done years past. But like I keep telling myself, make new memories. And that is just what we did.
After dinner was over, we went into the living area and sat on the couches. We did some small talk, dad did the most of the talking. Still not sure what it was about but I nodded to every word. Before long, we were joined by 5 other sweet souls that share this living space with my dad. First Juliet, Mary Ellen, and Rosemary wheeled in. A sweet and kind nurse wheeled in George and then came in Clara. The nurse asked all of us if we wanted to watch a movie. No one but me really answered. So she put on a classic Elvis movie, "Clambake." Once the music started I sat back and witnessed something so much better than any Elvis movie. I watched 5 people who have had their lives cut short with Dementia enjoy something with their whole entire being without a care in the world. Something that I could only be so thankful for. It was a lesson I didn't know I needed.
It is not fair that any of these wonderful people have to be there. They all had lives before this disease took them over. They had families, careers, and memories. They had experiences that are now just lost to them. But they are not angry. They are still as sweet and beautiful as they were 20 years ago, just with a little different mindset.
Mary Ellen. I could go on for hours about her. She reminds me of my little granny. She is tiny and her voice matches. She motioned me over and I went over and knelt beside her. I noticed her striking blue eyes, very, very blue. She mumbles something to me about her hair and asked me if I thought it was ok that way. I nodded and said, "Mary Ellen you are beautiful!" She put her hand to her mouth and giggled a little and said "Oh my, thank you." I joined dad back on the couch and watched her for a little longer. I imagine her being a spit fire when she was younger. A beautiful, petite lady that would have no problem putting you in your place if you needed it. I imagine her being a carefree soul with flowers in her hair.
Juliet. Oh sweet Juliet. I can imagine her as a young girl being the one who had to wear shorts or pants under her dresses because she was always side by side with the neighborhood boys racing bicycles and climbing trees. She was strong willed and determined. I imagine she was successful in her life with whatever it was she did. She wheeled herself to the bathroom, determined to do it herself. Unfortunately Dementia has taken a lot of that free will away and she had to holler for help. I ran into the bathroom, but realized the job was too much for me. Thankfully a nurse had walked by just at the right time.
Rosemary. She marches to her own drum. She is confident and does what she feels like doing. Every time I see her, she is in a different hat. Today was a bright red bucket cap. And she looked marvelous. I bet at one time, she was fancy and attended many dinner parties. I imagine she was the life of the party. I looked over, and she was sound asleep.
Clara. Clara is a very classy, lovely lady. She is beautiful. I imagine her being the type of person I could sit on a porch for hours with. Talking about world events and vintage flea market finds. Clara is silent as she watches the movie.
George. George doesn't talk much, but I imagine at one time, he could talk to you about anything and everything. I imagine he was up to date with the world's top news and was a history buff. I imagine he was a great story teller, one that could make any thing come to life. He sat there not really watching the movie, but his mind was somewhere else. I like to think he was remembering something that meant a lot to him.
Everyone of these individuals have had a previous life. A life that I will never know for sure about. A life taken away too soon, this I do know for sure. The music starts to play again and Elvis is singing to a group of children about confidence. I look around the room and all of a sudden, everyone was awake and watching. Some of them clasped there hands together. I heard some remarks on how sweet the children were in the movie. I heard a few "ohs and awes." I saw smiles. I saw a few heads nod. And in that moment, here was a group of people who have every reason to be bitter and angry for the situation they have been given...but in that moment, it was pure joy. Not a care in the world. I looked over at dad and he started singing the song along with Elvis. He knew the song. I started to hum along too. Something I would have thought twice about doing ever before. But I wanted to live in that moment. Be in that moment. I didn't want to care about anything, just enjoy. And that is what I did. I left that night in such a good mood. I had fun. I had fun watching the movie and I learned a lot in those short 2 hours. I learned that when life gives you lemons, enjoy the lemon meringue pie when you get the chance. (Silver lining).
Note: These are real people, but for privacy reasons, I did not use their real names.
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