The challenge

 The morning I was set to take my dad to lunch, I woke up to an email from my mom.  She wanted to share with me something that happened the night before with my dad.  Her email started with, " I am not writing this to you to make you sad..."

With mom's permission, she has told me I could share this.  She was preparing my dad for bed and as she was helping him with his socks, he said to her, "I have a daughter. But I don't remember her name."  Let me start off first by telling you that I have dreaded this moment since my dad was diagnosed.  Selfishly, this has been my biggest fear.  I have told my self for the last year that this would be my breaking point.  But surprisingly, it wasn't.  

I cried for a moment, gave my children and husband a hug and left for work.  I cried the whole way to work.  Before I got out of my car to go in, I wiped my face, blew my nose, and reminded myself...Dementia will not win.  

As lunch time rolled around, I started to feel sick to my stomach.  What if I get to lunch and dad still doesn't know who I am?  As I pulled up next to their car, he looked over at me and smiled.  He got out of the car and said, "Hey there Vanessa."  We had a wonderful lunch (chicken fried steak, 2 eggs over easy, hashbrowns, and 1 pancake with a slice of lemon meringue pie on top).  We talked, we laughed, and for a moment all was well in the world.  (Silver lining).

Will there come a time when I am a stranger to my dad?  Of course.  Will there be a day where he looks at me and wants me to leave him alone?  Probably.  Will there be a time that I look at my dad and he stares right through me?  Yes.  Will it hurt?  Absolutely 100% yes.   But do I have to let it be my breaking point?  Nope.  It just means I will have to figure out a new way to help him and I can tell you now, I have never turned down a challenge.