When I started this blog, I thought I had years of weekly lunches with my dad at Perkins.  Never in a million years did I think that within a few short months, I would have to start seeing dad live away from us.  Was I blind to how bad it is with him or am I selfish?  I don't know right now, I need to figure that out and will hopefully one day be at peace with all of this.  For now, all I can do is take it one day at a time...no one minute at a time.

So part of this blog was to help me see the good in every day.  The good in this horrible situation.  Because I honestly believe that there is a reason for everything that happens.  All though, I haven't seen a good enough reason for all of this; I trust that one day I will know and my faith tells me that God has a bigger plan.

It has been several weeks since I have felt any peace, hope, or goodness.  I have been living on coffee, adrenaline, and fear.  I didn't care about silver linings.  I was almost willing to never write again.  But today I saw a silver lining. 

I sat at a table surrounded by my family this morning.  My husband, my boys, my mom, my brother, Katy, Ella, Anna, and Charlotte.  We laughed and talked, but we all knew one piece of our family was missing.  How many tables have we sat around the last few decades+ with dad at the head of it? Too many to count.  It didn't feel right to me.  It felt to me, like we were cheating on dad.  While he was sitting alone in a nursing home, we were all together.  It didn't feel real to me.  I actually quit eating my breakfast because I was so sick to my stomach thinking about our missing link.  

I let my family out at the front door and went and parked the car.    I said a little prayer, put on my brave face...and walked in.  As the 10 of us walked through the doors, we could see dad sitting off by himself.  We all started waving at him and that wonderful smile he has lit up his whole face as he waved back.  We hugged and kissed him.  

As we all surrounded dad and listened to him tell us about his trip to the airport, how he got kicked out of his room because it was being cleaned, how he knew there was something downstairs that needed to be fixed but couldn't remember what it was, and how the ladies here should sale the strawberries for money because they would make a lot, I looked around and there we all were...together.  Silver lining.