The boys

 

The boys have been on spring break this last week so they joined dad and I for lunch.  As I snapped the picture of the 3 of them it made me realize, that they too are suffering a great loss.  I would like to think that dad will be around when they graduate high school, move on to big things, and make dad a great grandpa one day.  But the reality is, he probably won't be.  

I have been pregnant 4 times.  The very first pregnancy was so exciting and I couldn't wait to tell dad.  I had always known he would be a wonderful grandpa just because of how he was to me growing up.  I could only imagine that his awesomeness would swell 100%.  The second hardest part of losing a child is having to tell the people that loved them as well.  I remember my mom and dad coming to our house and just sitting with Dennis and I.  There were no words exchanged but we all felt the hurt,  The second loss was no easier.  By the time I got pregnant for Myles, we were all on pins and needles just waiting for the worst.  But as my belly grew, the worry faded.  Dad was there every day while I was in the hospital.  He was one proud grandpa!  And he was there every day after that.  I loved watching dad with Myles.  I loved the way he would hold his little hand in his and walk through the garden.  I loved how he would take Myles to pick me a dandelion or how he would sit him on his lap for a lawn mower ride.  As Myles got older, I witnessed my dad be his greatest cheerleader.  From going to to every sport event and even taking him to the park to shoot baskets.  

Dad and mom was there every day for Will too when he was born.  Will had to spend a while in the NICU, but dad and mom came to the hospital every day, even though they couldn't see Will yet.  They came to show me love and support.  I really felt the love of my parents during that difficult time.  When my parents were finally able to meet him, they had to go through this process of washing hands from elbow down for a certain amount of time with a special soap.  To watch my dad do this, brings back such fond memories.  He gladly did what the hospital required so he could go into this little room to see his grandson laying in a box hooked up to all of these tubes.  He was also Will's biggest cheerleader, talking softly to him telling him to get strong so he could come home and teach him to fish.  And that he did indeed.  Dad has taught Will so many things, and of course fishing is one of them.  

The last 13 years, I have had the wonderful experience of seeing my boys make memories with their grandpa (my silver lining).  They have traveled with dad, learned to fish, mushroom hunt, and share moments that they will cherish forever.  They have spent every birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas together.  They have not known a first day of school without grandpa and grandma being there to wave them off.  They have spent countless hours in the garden with dad ever since they were toddlers.  They have never known life without my dad.

I am so proud of the 2 of them.  They know what is happening to grandpa.  They understand that he may forget their name, but in his heart he will never forget them.  He has too many wonderful memories to ever let that go.  And all though it is sad for them, they know that life with grandpa is different now.  They handle it better than I do at times.  They are gentle and kind with him.  They give him the same answer 100 times when asked without blinking an eye.  They don't giggle or get embarrassed when he wets himself at a baseball game. They are amazing boys.  

The other day Will asked me if grandpa will remember him when he goes to Heaven.  I told him absolutely he will.  I told him I believed that grandpa's dementia will leave his body for good once he goes to Heaven.  I truly believe this and for this, I am at peace.