We were finally happy to hear my dad say that the "people" living in his back bathroom had finally left the coop! It was a long and painful experience to say the least. Seeing my dad point to himself in the mirror and ask us if we saw "them" was sad. That is the best way to put it. We knew he was just seeing a reflection of himself, but he was seeing my uncle, a childhood friend, and then ultimately it became someone he did not know other than a stranger that coincidentally wore the same clothes as him.
Different stories came and went with these house guests. Some days it was my uncle Butch living there and then other days it was his childhood friend, Phil. Before long, my uncle left and it was just the old friend. But eventually he left too. But before we counted our lucky stars, the "stranger" moved in. My dad did not care for the fact that he wore the same clothes as him. He didn't like the fact that he lived in the closet in the bathroom where he could see my mom changing and he didn't like the fact that this man was taking things that didn't belong to him.
There were also many different versions of this man. He was a prisoner at one point being kept hidden under the floor of my dads closet. Then he was a member of a secret government organization being hidden for an unknown reason. But whoever this man was, my dad honestly saw him each day.
To tell this story to a stranger, one would think we were nuts. But living with someone with dementia is a completely different way of life. At first, I knew it was hard for my mom. Hard to believe that he believed there was someone other than himself there, feeding him each day so he wouldn't starve. At first my mom was hesitant and refused to give this person food. But as time wore on, she caught on that the simple act of putting some food out for the guest after dinner not only satisfied my dad, but helped him stay calmer.
I can't tell this story without sharing a hilarious event that happened not long after the stranger moved in. (Sorry mom, if you are reading this!) The day that we learned that the man was following my dad to stores was back in February. I had taken my parents to a store and took dad to the bathroom. When he came out, he informed me that the man was there too. He seemed very disturbed by this and it took a long few minutes to calm his nerves. We eventually finished our shopping and returned back to mom and dad's house. At this point, my mom wasn't fully on board with acknowledging the new roommate. Her usual response to my dad was to tell him there was no one else there. I can't blame her, I didn't live 24/7 with someone who was feeding a stranger, a prisoner at that who was living under my floor boards.
Dad went to the bathroom once we were back home and he came out with this look of fear on his face. He explained that the man had followed him back to the house and he really wanted him to leave for good. So I got this brilliant idea. It was like a lightbulb went off in my head. I told dad that we should have mom go in there and tell him to leave. Dad thought it was a great idea too. So in walks mom asking what was going on. I winked at her and informed her "the man" followed us back and dad wanted him to leave. I told her who better than to tell this man off was her. She took me up on the challenge and turned on her heels and marched right back to that bathroom. My dad and I sat there in silence as we listened to mom tell the man to leave her house. That this was her house and he didn't belong there. She used some other choice words while yelling at the imaginary man, but I won't put them in writing. HA! My dad just looked at me and smiled. My mom returned to the living room with an instant look of relief and I asked, "Feel better?" and she did (silver lining). I want my mom to know that I grew a whole new respect for her in that very moment. That was a pure act of love.
Although the man has again left the house; he still follows my dad around town. He shows up in any mirror or window my dad sees. And that man he sees in the mirror may be a stranger to him, but to me...he is so much more...and he's still my superhero!
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