Messy tables

 

When my boys were little, (toddler stage) we had these plastic mats that would stick onto the table when we went out to eat.  At home, we had a mat that sat under their high chairs to collect all of the food that was dropped or thrown.  I remember being extra sensitive when going out to a restaurant hoping that my children would not make a mess.  Having the mats didn't matter other than it made me feel less embarrassed.  I miss those days.  I feel foolish ever caring so much about the messes.  Did it really matter that food dribbled down their chins and onto the floor?  Did it really matter that their food didn't stay on their plate?  No it didn't.  What mattered was that I was with my boys.

Loving someone with dementia is no different.  Today at lunch, I looked over to my dad's side of the table.  There was his plate with bacon, 1 egg over easy (he had already eaten the other one), a few hashbrowns, and sausage.  Some of the half-eaten hash browns had spilled onto the table and one of the sausages had managed to jump off his plate.  There was an open bottle of Tabasco sauce, a bottle of ketchup, syrup, an empty container of butter, a coffee cup, spilled coffee around the coffee cup, a glass of water, a straw wrapper, 2 wadded up napkins, his plate of pancakes, his cell phone, and 1 of his 2 handkerchiefs.  I was simply amazed at how messy our table had become.  But then I looked at my dad and he smiled (silver lining).  I couldn't help but smile back.

Being messy has become a norm for him.  Especially when he is eating.  Routines are disrupted by memory difficulties.  So what that tells me, is that when he took the cap off the Tabasco sauce, it is ok that he didn't put it back on.  When he wadded up his first napkin and grabbed a new one, that was ok.  And when that darn sausage jumped off his plate, he left it on the table until he was ready to eat it...and that is ok too.  I hope that when people see my dad out at restaurants with dropped food on the table and floor, and egg yolk all over his shirt that they are able to pass no judgement, no laughing, and no rolling of their eyes.  I hope they just smile.

Oh, I almost forgot...lemon meringue pancakes.  Dad remembered.